Right, time to break kayfabe a little bit. I, Dan, writing this news post, didn't actually go to the Avid Games Christmas Party yesterday; I had to pull out last minute, but I'd already written a news post for yesterday where the narrative thrust was that I was on my way to the party, and it was too much effort to rewrite it.
Just imagine then that I'm entering the office, surveying the damage the morning after. Empty cans littering the desks. Tinsel tangled into the warren of cables in the server room. Photocopiers that... well, they had paper in them before the party, I'll tell you that for free.
And what's this; a new card just left on the floor? Cor, you'd better pick up today's In Fashion Pack and give the poor Ushanka a home.
That is the face of a man who doesn't have to select the right product with which to scrub permanent marker off the dividing panes of glass, but who does have extremely warm ears.
Did you know that artificial Ushankas are said to be made of "fish fur"? There's also a variant in Norway called the "bjørnefitte", which is Norwegian for "bear's vagina" - did Ron Burgundy design it?